Tuesday, November 07, 2006

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

I know you will all assume that I made these up, being that I'm such a clever person. I have to be honest. I stole them from another blog.

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Are you writing out the presctiptions? Maybe I'll make an appointment. :)

Cassie said...

Let's see I'll need the Damnitol, Anti-talksident, Buyagra, and Flipitor. I'll be by later to pick it up.

Cardine said...

Unfortunately, I don't need any of those. Except Dumberol, but I don't think I want that one.

Framed said...

I'll take some Damnitol and Emptynestrogen and definitely skip the Peptobimbo. The Buyagra sounds wonderful. I can see me dancing down the street like those people on the commercial for that sound-alike drug. I wonder what would happen if I used Nagament on my female co-workers. Do you think it would work?

julie said...

I would like some Damnitol, a double dose, if that's permissable. It fits my mood lately. Fortunately, your post produced a chuckle, so I'm definitely in a lighter, more cheerful mood than before I read it. Thanks! I need a laugh!

booklogged said...

I especially thought the Emptynestrogen was funny - it's a suppository! hehehehehe!

booklogged said...

I need something because beta.blogger is driving me crazy!